Hey,
So for me, school has usually sucked pretty bad. I mean, combining social anxiety with hyper sensitivity and bullying and then a whole bunch of immature teenagers in one building? Oy!
I came into this new school, which I'll call Fluffy Marshmallow Unicorn or FMU for short, half way through the school year. I am a crazy person, I don't know why I did this but I did! FMU is a smaller school and is situated just outside of my town, it's about a 18 minute drive there. FMU is coed, and is very very confusing.
I liked FMU for its smallness, and I guessed with it being a religious (Christian) school it'd be full of nice (?) equally Christian people (?) and I'd be well fine (???). I don't think it's a shocker because it is not full of all of these things, not really. As with any school it had its fair share of not so nice people and just not 'enough' for me.
By enough I mean, enough resources. I don't want to just pass I want to do something with my life and be somebody, and do something important. FMU lacked teachers, lacked same minded people, lacked subjects, lacked as the place for me. So true to myself and my weird schooling situations over the years, I'm going back to a previous school. I was at this previous school for my first year of high school and part of my second year, I'm now returning for my fourth year.
Are you confused yet? Because I definitely am!
Right now as I'm typing this, I'm supposed to be at school right this second. I'm lying in bed with my cat curled up on my feet, with the smell of rain in the air, and the gentlest breeze in the wind. That wind seeming to let my Pocahontas dreaming self know, changes are coming.. Just around the riverbend.
It's seemed in my last weeks at FMU lots of things are crashing down. I'm just informing friends and teachers there of my leaving, and it feels weird. The thing is, all most people there know about me is I'm the quiet girl who sits in class and does what she's told. The quiet boring one who isn't interesting enough to be listened to for more than a few seconds. I have some lovely friends there but I feel like they are over me sometimes?
It's a weird feeling I have right now. I'm not sad, or bitter or even angry.
I feel like I was holding on to a balloon of this school, and the ballon was pulling me away, jerking me sideways, sometimes holding the balloon was nice. I liked those times. Sometimes the balloon hurtled me so much to a place where no one cares who Georgia is. I got a sense of feeling like I don't belong here. I'm letting go of the balloon now.
I don't know if this post has made any or a little bit of sense! I just have all of these feelings right now, and I needed to put it on my place where I belong. I watched Pan, the new movie yesterday. Whilst it has its critics I enjoyed it and it's quote of "Home isn't a place, it's where you make it." I get that. Right now, I get that even more.
Love,
Georgia Maree xx
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